Thursday, August 27, 2009

kate, i might be a little late with the post...

Just so you know, I'm not done with our vacation pictures. But since I'm away from our home computer this week, and hence the gabillion pictures that I have uploaded from our trip, my continuance of our time in paradise will have to wait.

For now, I want to tell you that I'm staying at a hotel in L.A. and yesterday afternoon, I had some down time to go work out. While I was in the gym - I happened to catch, what I believe, were some of the very first airings of Jon & Kate Plus Eight.

Now I know I've mentioned before that I've hardly ever watched that show because I wasn't particularly interested in the chaotic life of a woman with multiples. But yesterday, as I was working out and I happened to notice that the show was on my own little private screen on my ellipse machine, I unplugged my headphones from my iPod and plugged in to the closed circuit television connection.

What I heard over the next 20 minutes or so, made my jaw drop to the floor.

This might come as a surprise, but I might consider myself to be a bit of a nag with my husband. It's something that I'm constantly aware of and something that I'm constantly striving to change. But I am no where - and I mean, not even within the same galaxy close, as what I saw, yesterday.

Who has ever watched the show??

After watching this woman HEN PECK her husband for a solid 15 minutes, they cut to a scene in the nursery where Jon was changing diapers on several of their 17-month old toddlers. At one point, Kate walks in to the room, and after declaring how organized and streamlined she is, she points out how slow and inefficient her husband is. And then she casually says, "I feel compelled to tell you that I cannot believe how long it is taking you to complete this one simple task."

Jon didn't respond. But even though the camera was fixed on the back of his head, I could see that he was stewing. Why critize your spouse like that, on national television?! Now if I had been Jon, I would have retorted, "I feel compelled to tell you, SHADDUP ALREADY. If you are so convinced that you could do this better - than GO TO IT."

Seeing as I'm tucked away in a nice hotel, eating at fancy restaurants three times a day, while my husband is at home chasing around after four children under the age of five and digging diapers out of toilets, I feel very well positioned to dole out some marital and parental advice.

If you are nagging incessantly at your spouse, you have too much time on your hands.

When you have other, more pressing things to worry about, you become a lot less concerned about the fact that Dear God lunch time is three minutes late. Or - it took four minutes as opposed to two to change a diaper.

Really?

Is it that important?

I try my best to be thankful whenever anyone helps me at all.

Although, I will admit, this can be a constant battle for me. I will stray down the path of hen pecking over the most insignificant stupid ass things you could imagine. But it seems to become par for the course when you are a mother with small children. You truly believe that no one can do it as well or as efficiently as you. But at this very moment, I have been gone from home for four days and my husband is managing everything just fine without my direct supervision. Sure, the house might not be up to my cleanliness standards when I return - but the children are well cared for and loved.

And you know what? I am thankful.

I am so thankful for him and all that he does to support our family. Whether he is earning a paycheck - cooking dinner - chasing children around the backyard - changing a diaper a few minutes slower than me - or picking up a gallon of milk from the store.

I am so thankful for him and I tell him that, all the time.

ALL. THE. TIME.

He knows that he is appreciated.

And because of that, he appreciates me, too.

So my relationship advice for the day is this: If love is kind, love will grow. Go forth and be thankful. Tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them and how thankful you are for all the things that they do to make life better.

And then - watch your love bloom.

22 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this. I was a long-time viewer of Jon and Kate, but not anymore. My husband and I used to watch in amazement as Kate would endlessly nag Jon. We have decided not to watch the show anymore. We don't want to contribute to the success of the show and the ever-increasing drama. We don't believe that only one person is at fault in a divorce, it's usually more complicated than that. Many people are upset with Jon because he seems to be dating now. But when you see what he had to put up with, can you blame him?!

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  2. Just sent an email to my husband. Thanks for the reminder.

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  3. Uh... oh yeah... I watched our love bloom and now we're due January 27th!

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  4. well said. I was never a fan of Jon and Kate for the same reason.

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  5. She was a horrible nagging FREAK. The worst comment I have ever gotten on my blog is someone saying, "You remind me so much of Kate Gosselin."

    AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

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  6. I have come to realize over the years how valuable this advice is. My mantra when I leave the house by myself, my husband staying behind with our two girls, iss "as long as they are alive when I get home, I will be happy and thankful."

    Not, "as long as he remembers to wash their faces and take out the trash and pick up the playroom and give them vegetables and start naps at 1:45 precisely and throw in a load of laundry." Not "I can't believe I have to come home to this, that and the other that he didn't do right."

    Just, "thank you for caring for our kids and for me, letting me have the time I need, and being there when I need YOU."

    GREAT post.

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  7. Amen! I am thankful for my husband as well. I am an anonymous lurker but I love reading your blog! You have a way with words. My husband and I will celebrate 11 years in October and I truly appreciate him and vice versa. Our love blooms!!

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  8. I used to watch the show but Kate's hatefulness made me more and more angry each week so I don't watch any more.
    Now that they are divorcing, she is on the talk shows saying she can't think of a thing she might have done differently to save her marriage.
    Those 8 children are in need of help because their parents continue using them as little money makers. It is truly disgusting.

    And I so agree with you about a thankful spirit and keeping the love in our marriages alive.

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  9. That show is so painful to watch. I never became a regular viewer, but a couple of times I'd end up catching it on a TLC marathon so I'd watch a few episodes.

    In the earlier seasons, I couldn't stand Kate. I couldn't stand how she was harping on Jon all the time, she just sounded bitchy. I really thought it was awful parenting, the way she'd just yell at him in front of the kids.

    In the later seasons (and I had a break between watching the old ones and the newer ones) I suddenly started to see Jon responding angrily back at Kate when she was huffy with him. It was such a dramatically different behaviour from the early episodes. I commented about this to a friend of mine a last year, I believe. "Wow, Jon is totally different now, he's more angry than Kate".

    This year, when all this trouble started up I tuned in to watch them announce their separation. It was not a surprise. She broke him, he got angry, they couldn't work together anymore.

    However, I wish they'd tried therapy, stopped doing the show, worked on being a family and overcoming their issues rather than up and divorcing, and rather than him taking up with a 22-year-old. I just think his recent behaviour is ridiculous.

    Mind you, I recognize that I can only see what the media is showing me, but whatever. If they didn't want to be judged then they wouldn't be on television. The whole thing is a huge mess, and mostly I just hope those adorable little ones aren't being damaged by the circus that their parents have let their life become.

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  10. Love the post. I was a big Jon and Kate fan but would get so disgusted with how she talked to him.

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  11. This is why I couldn't watch that show more than once or twice. Anytime I have watched it together with Mark, I vehemently promise him that I will never...NEVER speak to him in that manner. For which he thanks me profusely.

    When they announced their separation, I was not surprised. What a horrible example for their children!!!

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  12. And her constant nagging is probably one of the biggest reasons they are now getting a divorce and Jon has become a Man-Whore

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  13. Its one of my favorite shows, and I have not missed an episode. But, hopefully after the mess they have created recently...they will indeed step back and think like you.

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  14. AMEN! I couldn't watch the show for that very reason. I found it very painful to watch her be so disrespectful to her spouse.

    I agree that one of the best ways to show love and respect for a spouse is to tell them you appreciate them. They already know you love them.

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  15. I was traveling last summer with my parents and my kids and caught a few of their episodes during a marathon. The way she treated Jon, though, made me physically uncomfortable and we eventually changed the channel. not fun to watch.

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  16. Never watch the show...never heard of the show...

    BUT! I like your post! VERY VERY NICE....You speak great words of wisdom! Charlie is great! You chose wisely cousin.

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  17. Yes, I'm afraid your are a little late for Kate! Your advice is wonderful....and totally fitting for any couple!! I'm afraid that Kate lacks grace in her inter-personal skills! I'm afraid that her kids get her tongue all too often. But never fear, she is the media's darling. I read that she will be co-hosting on the view for two days in September! Isn't that special?

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  18. Jen:
    "It is in truly in letting go that we become free." You are doing that now with your choice to work full-time and letting others, meaning Charlie, your in-laws, Noni and Jimbo and, hopefully, other teachers and friends along the path, to join in the process of being part of your children's lives.
    As a mom and grandmom to some.... I learned that when I let them go....to be...to express themselves freely with others, that they only loved us more.
    Can't wait for you and Charlie to have a night all to yourselves this coming week, amid the pressures of work, to renew and restore and rest with just each other...... as we get to with our 4 precious grandchildren.
    Joy in this very moment:
    Poppa Alex and Kathleen

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  19. Amen! I too appreciate all my husband does and tell him so daily, most of the time more than once a day. And you know what? He notices and appreciates everything I do. I think that is why we are going on 32 years of marriage and it is as strong or stronger than ever.

    As for Kate...I watched that show 2 times and she makes my skin crawl. She is such a control freak. There children are adorable but her... I heard today that she is going to fill in for EH on the view a couple of days...I know I won't watch on those days.
    Kathy

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  20. Hear hear! I have an amazing husband, and I am in constant shock that he feels the same way about me. He goes out of his way to tell me when I'm doing a good job mothering, and, well, I don't have to go out of my way, because he is an amazing, extraordinary, brilliant father. And he specifically told me and not quite as bad as Kate when it comes to the label "control freak." ;)

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  21. All I will say is that Jon's recent behavior speaks volumes of the kind of individual HE is. Regardless of Kate and her character and whether or not she spent their entire marriage making him feeling like a piece of poo... there is no excuse for his actions as a man and more importantly as a father.

    In the end, they are in the process of getting divorced and in this process, while Kate is still acting very much like a MOTHER, Jon is very much putting his priorities as a newly divorced man far above that of his duties as a father.

    I am glad that you take the time to let your husband know how important he is in your marriage though :O) Glad to hear that type of marriage really is still alive and well!

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