Friday, July 24, 2009

this isn't my most upbeat post

I really hesitated posting this. Because I feel like I shouldn't admit that I'm tired. Perhaps it's the sinus infection that I'm battling and the lack of sleep I've had over the past few years days. But whatever the reason, or host of reasons, today I feel like I've been physically and emotionally hit by a freight train.

Tomorrow I will feel better.

But today, I am tired.

I'm tired of working full-time.

I'm tired of feeling like I am robbing my husband of his career.

I'm tired of feeling like we live too far away from family.

I'm tired of picking up after people all.day.long.

I'm tired of wondering what I'm going to cook for dinner.

I'm tired of making meals that go uneaten.

I'm tired of grocery shopping.

I'm tired of laundry.

I'm tired of waking up at 3 AM to children who wet the bed.

I'm tired of children changing their clothes 40 times a day.

I'm tired of all the missing socks.

I'm tired of all the clutter.

I'm tired of not eating better.

I'm tired of worry.

I'm tired of worrying about my mom.

I'm tired of worrying about my dad.

I'm tired of worrying about my Uncle Bill.

I'm tired of worrying about Deana.

I'm tired of worrying about money and the bills.

I'm tired of worrying about our health and the health of our planet.

I'm tired of worrying about the economy.

I'm tired of worrying about world relations.

I'm tired of worrying about saving for retirement.

I'm tired of worrying about college tuitions.

I'm tired of worrying about whether our children will go to school.

I'm tired of worrying what other people will think.

I'm tired of feeling like I could be a better friend, sister, daughter.

I'm tired of feeling like I could be a better mom.

I'm tired of feeling like I could be a better wife.

I'm tired of feeling like I could be a better human being.

I'm tired of feeling like I am not doing enough.


I'm tired of seeing and feeling my body age.

I'm tired of feeling like this blog isn't better than it is.

I'm tired of beating myself up whenever I let the children watch television.

I'm tired of trying to control things that are outside of my control.

I'm tired of not realizing when things are outside of my control.

I'm tired of children waking up for the day at 5:30 AM.

I'm tired of children that don't nap. Or nap long enough.

I'm tired of doing things, only to have the children undo them.

I'm tired of asking children to do things over and over and over again.

I'm tired of saying, "FINE THEN! I'll do it myself!"

I'm tired at my lack of patience.

I'm tired at my lack of discipline.

I'm tired of comparing myself.

I'm tired of politics - at every level - every where.

I'm tired of the bad people in the world.

I'm tired of people that seems so perky! and together!

I'm tired of feeling like I never get a break.

I'm tired of not having enough time for myself.

I'm tired of feeling like everyone needs a piece of me.

I'm tired of a toddler that wants to nurse at the most inopportune times.

I'm tired of the knowledge that I'll never have these days back again.

I'm tired that I don't live in the moment more.

I'm tired of feeling like I need to put on a happy face or I will appear ungrateful.

Tomorrow I will feel better.

But today, I am tired.

However, I am NOT tired of baking and eating a plate full of chocolate chip cookies in a single afternoon.

And that ... is a real problem.

34 comments:

  1. I'm tired, too... from splashing in the pool this morning with friends I'd missed sooo much during our year in England! Thank you deeply for joining us at the pool in a Welcome Home play date even though you were so tired and sick. I'm tired, indeed... but happy as a clam.

    I'm also burned to a crisp.

    -Debbie

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  2. chocolate chips cookies aren't a problem to anything but my a@$! to the rest of me they are a cure. I think that a run and maybe a movie by yourself is in order. We all have these days and worry takes years off your life. I hear Harry Potter is a good time ;)

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  3. Me too - to all of it, except instead of a plate of cookies, I ate two McDonald's apple pies (yes, they are two for $1, but no, one should not assume like I did that means that one order is one serving). Let's pray for a better tomorrow for all of us.

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  4. I feel the EXACT same way, especially the past few weeks. I can second almost every one of those. You just summed up my heart's struggles exactly. Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one feeling this way at this stage of life. You're not the only one :)

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  5. After this post, I'd cover those chocolate chip cookies in hot fudge if I were you.

    XOXO

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  6. Sorry you are down today. Your other posts this past week have left me really amazed and impressed by how much you are able to get done... all that organizing, etc... So I guess it's not surprising to have an off day once in a while. Hope the blue mood passes quickly.

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  7. I have had the same kind of day- my husband told me to go take a bubble bath- I was in there for 3 hours. Now I feel better :) Hope you feel better tomorrow.

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  8. I really think you are inhabiting my head with me on this post. You are not alone. Someone in Philadelphia feels the same way.
    Hang in there

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  9. I can't help but wonder if this isn't that time of the month that makes everything feel all that much harder? I was just reflecting on how amazing you are and how I could never up to all that you do. I hope that you are able to get some rest for you body and soul. I love your posts and admire all that you do!

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  10. Sometimes giving it a voice helps. I hope tomorrow you do feel better, because inspite of all you feel you lack today, you are an amazing mother/wife/daughter friend. Ask your kids. Ask your husband. Ask your parents.

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  11. One day you will miss all of this! LOL.
    I am so happy to finally discover that you are not of super-human strength. JEN IS TIRED! Yahoo! I was feeling like quite the slacker, since just READING your blog makes me tired.
    Linda(Chicago)

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  12. *hugs* You have so much on your plate. You have a right to be tired, even if you don't want to be.

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  13. hug,, hope tomorrow is better =)

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  14. You definitely don't have to hide those feelings. We ALL have days (weeks, months!) like that. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

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  15. OMG. Did I write this post? Because I swear I could have. Word. For. Word.

    Even including the chocolate chip cookies. Except mine are gluten free. :)

    I swear I don't know how I'd survive without coffee in the morning and wine at night!

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  16. Hugs, Jen. You need a vacation. By yourself. Without your kids. Or your husband. You need a REAL vacation. You DESERVE it.

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  17. tomorrow you will feel better! Such a good thing. And your blog could not be better--- it is the BEST in my opinion!

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  18. ditto!! thanks for saying it so well, as always.

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  19. To my fellow Triplet Mom Blog Friend! I agree with all of these above. I am tired today too! UGH! You put it all into words beautifully! THANK YOU for your honesty. It makes me feel better that I am not alone.
    Nicole

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  20. You know what? My husband and I talked this morning about how we are so tired from many of the same things. We have decided to let each other have at least 1 night of quiet time each week. We are also calling to find a house keeper tomorrow to deep clean the house every two weeks. It will be worth the money to have more time to relax.

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  21. Amen!

    I'm tired too :)

    I couldn't have said it better myself.

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  22. oh, dear. almost all of it applies to most of us. being a parent is so hard. so, so hard! but you and Charlie are doing a fantastic job.

    i hope tomorrow WILL be better! Hugs.

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  23. I'm sorry you're having such an overwhelming day. And - this post is exactly what your daughters are going to eat up if they become mothers someday. Knowing how hard someone worked on their behalf will be the motivation they need to get through these kinds of days. You are a great mom. And YOU are going to get through this - one day at a time.

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  24. I like your blog and I like your honesty, even when it's kind of that "shhh...I have a dirty little secret kind" of honesty...it's human.

    Your whole list is full of universal feelings among women I think. Sometimes when I get like that, I try to look at my husband and do it his way - he's kind of worry-free. I know he doesn't worry about the dirty floor or the laundry or the dishes like I do. I mean, I know he worries about some stuff some of the time, but not all stuff, all the time like most women do. Then I realize that he's crazy and doesn't he know that there are 100's of things that need to be worried about?

    We worry because we care and have a nearly infinite amount of blessings that we're afraid of losing. Better than having no blessings and nothing to worry about...

    I'm tired of being a stepmom and worrying that I'm a bad one; and I'm tired of being unemployed and living on student loans and studying for the Bar exam; and I'm tired of worrying that I'll fail and never have a job and we'll never move out of our 800 sq. ft. condo; and I'm worried about studying in an un-airconditioned condo with no A/C when it's supposed to be in the 90's this week-end. That was just the worries I've had this past hour or so....Ah, got it all out - now it's back to the books.

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  25. I'm tired too. I do a lot of those things you listed. Some of them I have worked on and made better, but working on it made me tired as well. And I can totally put away a plate of cookies too, but then I feel tired because of all the sugar and too much sugar for my kids make them bounce off the wall which makes me tired. So that's why sometimes my house is dirty and we stay in our jammies sometimes all day. I used to feel bad about this but not anymore. Hope you feel less tired tomorrow, but you do have a lot on your plate. Physically and mentally.

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  26. Here here. Hang in there...

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  27. Mary Stewart7/25/09, 9:29 AM

    Me too-seems like I always feel like this in July. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one!

    Longtime reader, first time commenting.
    This to shall pass.
    Mary

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  28. Girl! Please go read Deana's Caring Bridge site... right now! I bet she would kick your a** if she read this post!! Stop it! If you think you're tired, then you are... if you think you're not tired, then you will not be! Be strong!

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  29. It seems to me as if you have been working and not exercising. What happened to the walks every morning or the jogs? That will really make you feel better.
    What you need is a big playroom where the children can play.
    I bet you have a sinus infection.
    It will get better.
    MOM

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  30. I am so with you on this one.

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  31. Jenna,

    I'm with you. I'm tired of all those things too. Remember you are not alone.

    are you sure you're not tired from being in the pool and sun all day?

    Hugs,
    Jeanmarie

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  32. RIGHT THERE WITH YA.....even though we just came off a beautiful weekend at Bass Lake. I completely understand.

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  33. Jen, your blog is great. I think I speak for many, many people when I say that you don't have to work to impress us. We tune in for your perspective, dished up the way only you can do. And it's enough for me. I'm sure it's enough for many.

    So cross that one concern off your list.

    Christy

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