Tuesday, September 23, 2008

well, hey there!

Hi, I'm Jane.

It's my new name.

I've spent the past two hours corresponding via e-mail with Michele about internet security and when she sent me a map to my house, I almost passed out. When she also sent me a link to ZabaSearch and I went online and plugged in a few details about myself, only to discover that for the low price of $49.95, I could purchase my entire life history and telephone number (a number that is supposed to be unpublished) I decided that it's a fantastic time to change my identity.

Because what if someone CALLS and wants to talk with me?!


Some might think I'm being a little paranoid and last week, I might have agreed.

But after my sister-in-law called my husband this weekend and strongly suggested that we make our blog private because there have been documented cases of people going to family websites where there are photographs of children, and then, deciphering where those people live and selling that information (essentially a photo of a child with a map to their home), that's all it took for me to replace my name with one that I've adored for years.

Jane. It's a lovely name, isn't it?

Here is some information about Jane that you might not know.

She is considering changing her husband's name to Sam. Or Pinot.

Her children will remain named, although the pseudonymns KnockItOff, QuitYourTeasin, GoToSleep and StopScreamingHolyMotherofGod are under consideration.

She has triplets that are about to turn four-year-old. Within the past week, all three of her triplet children have been pooping on the potty. This brings Jane tremendous happiness. In fact, there are not enough words in the English language to adequately capture the level of joy in Jane's heart.

Jane can't say that it was any one thing that happened to result in this monumental occurrence. Although she must admit, she never did think that it would *actually* happen. It's like the Northern Lights. Everyone tells you that they exist and what it takes to see them, but you remain skeptical until the one time it happens and then, the whole Majesty of God opens before your eyes.

Why, just last month, Jane tried laxatives, suppositories and her children's pediatrician provided the telephone number of a pediatric psychiatrist and suggested that she give them a call to profile her one pooping-in-the-potty holdout BECAUSE NOTHING WAS WORKING.

But Jane wanted to give it a little more time.

What Jane believes is that sitting on the rim of the tub and holding hands with the pooper, while making sounds like YOU TOO are pooping, is a good tactic. Having a stash of candy in your child's favorite color for a reward might benefit you too (or rather them, although also you).


It may help to sing "Little Bunny Foo-Foo" a few hundred times while you wait. What absolutely doesn't help is to threaten your child. As in, "If you don't go poop, I am going to eat every last M&M and then you will be sad." That will only cause your child to cry and tense up and that is counter productive to the process of letting go.

Currently, Jane is trying to figure out how to night time train her children, without taking off their night time diapers. BECAUSE, she don't want to be changing sheets and pajamas all hours of the night. So she suspects that once the children are mature enough to wake up and use the facilities, they will. If they are still wearing diapers by third grade, Jane might change her strategy.

For the most part, Jane's children use a real toilet.

But the chances are excellent that she'll still be hauling a portable potty chair around with her everywhere she goes until at least the first grade, because even today, while she was at a location that had a public restroom within 50 feet, it was EASIER to let the children use the portable potty then tote four children in to a public restroom where it was undeniable that they would be unable to resist the temptation to lick something.

That's right.

Jane's children are going through a licking phase and Jane is dying from the grossness. She can handle her kids touching things fine enough. But she can't stand it when they run their tongues from one end of a pool banister to the other.

Or, lick a counter in a public restroom.

Or, a conveyance belt at the grocery store.

Or, the handle on an escalator.

Got the picture?

Here's something else about Jane.

She is breastfeeding her 14-month old son.

Why?

Jane loves not having to worry about "womanly issues" every month. It's been two years since Jane has had a period and she doesn't miss it one single bit. (Jane especially likes referring to herself in third person when discussing things of that nature.)

But mostly, Jane loves the bond that she shares with her baby. And eating whatever she wants. But mostly the bond. Really.

(And if ONE PERSON tries to tell Jane he's not a baby anymore, WATCH OUT.)

Jane nursed her daughters until they were 17-months old and she suspects that when her son is ready to stop he will. If he is still nursing strong at 18-months, she will BEGIN to entertain thoughts on weaning. But not a moment before pass the cheesecake thank you very much.

Since you asked ... although Jane sincerely admires Palin, GASP!, she's planning to vote for Obama in November. And Jane will proudly wear a t-shirt to the voting poll that reads, "Make Cupcakes. Not War."


Go Jane. Go.

27 comments:

  1. I love it!

    This post is great, every last bit of it. Jane suits you well.

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  2. If "they" come knocking on your door for the kids, make sure they take ALL of them at once. ;-)

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  3. I discovered Zabasearch (not like Al Gore invented the internet) at work - none of my co-workers had ever seen it and I came upon it by chance one day while trying to find a client who moved and still had money in our brokerage firm. I felt very important that day. I used to go to Zabasearch daily.

    Our neighbor children used to lick our front door when they came to play with our kids. They'd ring the bell and we'd find them standing on our porch licking the window while they waited. And I'd say "please don't lick our door honey..." Finger prints are one thing, but licking....?

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  4. Good for you! I nursed both of my girls until they were 18 months old. I would have nursed my oldest longer, had I not been "urged" to cut back. When I had my 2nd, I vowed to nurse as long as she wanted to, however she turned into a little nipper and by the time 18 months rolled around, I said, "Enough!". Go figure.

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  5. I like all three: the name Jane, the t-shirt your family member has on in the picture, and your choice for a Presidential candidate.

    KarenM in NC

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  6. At one point I too was worried about my child being on my blog. But then I realized that the chances of someone seeing him in our front yard or at the park or at daycare and deciding to steal him are FAR more real than someone seeing him on the blog and traveling all the way to BFE to take him.

    Besides, there are some days I might just let them have him!! (Just Kidding... really....)

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  7. I love your post you crack me up I need to comment more often.

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  8. I'm so glad you are keeping the blog, name change or no! i love this blog!

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  9. I want that shirt.

    I struggle with using names and pics, but in reality the world see my kids every day, because we go out and I take them to school and crazy places like six flags. So I have decided to give up the worry. At least for the moment.

    Hey I heard of this website where a Disney princess can call your phone and encourage your kids to do things. Maybe that would work? It costs a few bucks, but I may use it every once in a while.

    Here's the link: https://secure.uvoxnetworks.com/disney/affhome.html?affno=66

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  10. Dear Jane-
    I miss you! I haven't seen you in 2 years!!! Can't believe it's been that long! Why don't you call me anymore?
    Sincerely,
    Aunt Flo(w)

    ---Lucky You!!! LOL!

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  11. I love it!!!!!!!

    Forget Obama....Forget McCain!!!! Let's ALL write in JANE!!! (the one who makes cupcakes!) ;-)
    Love, Marg!

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  12. Oh, I'm so encouraged you still aren't getting your period. There's hope. I'm at the 7 month mark, hoping for many more months :)

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  13. Jane--FYI, I am at the 20 month mark (!), still nursing, and no flow yet. Yahoo!

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  14. 14 months is awesome! I say nurse as long as you both care to nurse!

    Jessica

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  15. Well, it is 27 months for me, and still no return of the cycle. Woo Hoo! By the way, getting a fractious 2.5 year old to breastfeed for a few months to calm them down before you try and get them to take that afternoon sleep that they so BADLY need.....priceless. It calms him right down, I pop him in his cot, and off he goes to sleep.

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  16. Hey Jane! What's for dinner? I thought I'd stop by. :)

    So glad to hear that all the poop is going in the potty now. Whew. I had someone Google "sixteen year old still having accidents in pants" the other day and get my blog. (Why, I have no idea.) I swear to God, I am not making that up.

    That could have been YOU!

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  17. Karen in Buffalo9/23/08, 9:45 PM

    I wish I could NOT be so paranoid! I started my blog right around your 'keeping them safe' post and have held off. But, I have seen some amazing things in the blogging world (Nie Nie and S&C Decker to name just two) and think it is such a great thing. However, Zabasearch (and I assume there are others out there like it) scare me silly! After learning of it through your post I searched myself and MANY others and couldn't believe the info that is out there for anyone! (have since signed up for zabasphere and now know that all the people I searched might all know I was searching them!! I swear I am NOT a stalker!!)
    Thanks for opening my eyes a bit more on the reality of the availability of internet information.

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  18. You are awesome "Jane". If you have to change your name and your children's names and make it private then do it. Just let me have access. :) I'm from the old boards you used to go on. :) S~NJ with R & E. Remember me? anyway, about bfing H, go ahead and don't feel like you have to defend yourself ever. That is totally amazing and you know how beneficial it is for him and don't stop until he's ready and you are ready. I savored every moment I bf'd my first son for 16 mos. It was just once a day at that point (morning or night I forget now which one I ended with- oh yeah, morniing). and then my 2nd child I couldn't bf after he was 7 weeks old and so I feel like I didn't get a long enough second chance. I truly believe my boys are healthly because of it and love that closeness and bonding we had that I can never change!

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  19. "Jane"

    I hate that you are considering making this private because I don't even know you and I take immense pleasure reading your blog EVERY day! A friend introduced me to it and I find myself laughing hysterically at all you go through with your family. While I have three kids of my own, somehow you have a way of sharing it and making it hysterical. I even call my mom and read her some of your posts and we both laugh until we cry. I think there are more loving, kind, good people in the world than there are losers but your first priority has to be your peace of mind and the safety of your kids. Kari

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  20. There is no blog I love reading more, you just crack me up because you are real and honest, and so funny. I guess having triplets plus H helps with the extra funny stories. I am jealous with the lack of flow since the 5 rounds of IVF didn't work for me, so I have my beautiful daughter now by not of means that would let me eat whatever I want, with in moderation of course, dang it!

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  21. Oh no! You're considering making your blog private again!

    Just when I find something I like.... If you think making your blog private is best, go ahead, don't let us tell you otherwise.

    I'll just go sulk in the corner, wondering what's going on over there.

    P.S. I like cupcakes too! I also don't like war! I need that shirt!

    ***Mariah***

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  22. for a moment i thought you were pulling your blog from the public and i got so sad (even though i would understand). phew!

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  23. Checking in for the Wednesday Weigh-In...

    Despite a wicked cold last week (with a whole week of convalescing...), I managed to get back on track this past Sunday. I've kept up my commitment to run at least every other day since then, and today, I tried out my new Nike+ geegaw on the new iPod nano that I also got today (not that I like to go out and randomly drop a few hundred dollars on geegaws and doodads and the like, but I actually received both for my birthday today).
    I really do enjoy the Nike+ thing because I can keep track of my times and distances, etc. and track my progress on their website and I get to gather that data(while listening to great music, too! Pretty cool!

    So. I am progressing as I think I should be after knocking out a week for respiratory illness. I wish I hadn't lost that week this close to the race, but the fact that I'm still putting one foot in front of the other is a pretty good thing!

    My goal for next week is to take at least one run outside rather than on the treadmill.

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  24. Wednesday Weigh In
    I hope all is well with you and you are just too busy to blog today. I just wanted to do my weekly weigh in though. You see I am at least loyal:) This past week has been like the two previous, not much on the line of serious exercise. I still have hope though. I am going camping tomorrow and hope to get in some good bike riding and hiking. I will be away for next Wednesday's weigh in but will weigh in when I get home Friday night.
    Kathy

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  25. Hi Jane - it's nice to meet you. I'm scared to see what's up with zabasearch!!!

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  26. Jane, OF COURSE he's a BABY!!!

    And a super duper cute one as well. I loved your photo journalism of his Ball Walk. So funny and cute.

    I nursed my youngest for three and a half YEARS and still think it was the best thing I've ever done parenting-wise. Such a bond I have with my youngest -- she is still my BABY even though she's now in Kindergarten!

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  27. I am still nursing my "baby" girl and she'll be 2 in November. So, press on. It's great. I hate all the nasty comments that everyone makes, but I love it, she's addicted and it just works for us. I still nurse her A.LOT. during the day and once at 5am and she goes back to sleep for a few hours! It just works and I love the time with her and she's my last. So, keep doing it as long as it is mutually working! :) (oh yeah and no, I am not a La Leche League person...)

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